Wow! It has been over a year since I have added to this little series. I’ve missed it and have a few more ideas for it in the future! So be on the lookout!
Marriage is amazing. It’s fun, exciting, blessed, and such an adventure.
Marriage is also hard. Blending two lives together, making tough decisions, and navigating through all that life throws, is incredibly challenging. In the scheme of things, our five year marriage is very short. But let me tell you, the tough stuff doesn’t wait until year ten or twenty. In our limited time as a married couple, we have already dealt with some tough stuff.
We still have so much to learn, but these posts will chronicle some things we have gone through, some advice, lessons we’ve learned, funny stories and just plain ol’ anything-but-boring married life adventures!
These are the marriage chronicles.
Vol. 8 | Moods & Feelings
I’m just gonna jump right in today. Doesn’t matter who you are you have moods, and even mood swings. Yes there are people who are more prone to mood swings or are in less control of their emotions than others, but we all have differing moods and emotions.
There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s part of how we were created and often it is out of our control. However, how we deal with these swings in mood is really important and also biblical. In this post I want to focus on how we deal with this issue in our marriages.
I feel like I always need to state that I know I am no expert. Collin and I have been married for just over 6 years, so we really just squeezed out of newlywed status. This is just our limited experience and knowledge. I just love to write and share. My hope is to make people think a little about things they may not have before. So there’s my disclaimer.
Neither Collin nor I are very moody people. I am even-keel, laid back, and typically have good control of my emotions. Very rarely do I feel like I have mood changes I cannot explain. Collin is the same, but I think he would agree that he is a little more prone to unexplained changes in mood. Even with those stats, we have both still experienced our fair share of sour moods around each other. We’ve only been married for 6 years but have been together almost 10 now. That adds up to quite a few cranky days from us each.
It used to be that when one of us was cranky or “off” for no reason, we wouldn’t tell and would just act out at the other. As you can imagine, whoever was on the receiving end of the bad mood would feel like they had done something wrong. Or we would get mad at the cranky one just for being cranky. Our whole day would be thrown off and our attitudes towards each other were not pretty.
In all honesty it would be destructive to our relationship at times. And for basically no reason.
Sometimes one of us would just feel off and we had no reason for it. So we felt like there was not point in saying, “hey I’m in an odd mood sorry” since we couldn’t explain why. But that’s exactly what we learned we needed to do! There is no need for us to be ashamed of our emotions, we simply found that if we humble ourselves to one another and ask for grace that things go over much better. Almost like we are arming them with some understanding before a battle is waged.
Since learning this and applying it to our marriage, there are many days when one of us will simply say, “Hey, heads up I’m in a weird mood and I don’t know why.” This makes a world of difference in how things play out between us. We know to give grace, be gentle, and we prevent some issues that may have arisen otherwise.
We still have times when we let our emotions get the best of us and we handle things poorly. Our bad moods have caused fights, and given us some rough moments here and there. We are human, we make mistakes and will continue to do so. When this happens one of us typically steps back, expresses their feelings and we mend from there. Our cranky days don’t have to hurt our relationship anymore, and it can be a beautiful way for us to show one another love.
So the next time you wake up in a sour mood or just feel off, instead of fighting those feelings, hoping they go away and don’t come front and center at your spouse, try just letting them know what’s going on. Lay it all out, ask for some understanding, and then say a little prayer that your mood will vanish and be replaced by joy!
To read more Marriage Chronicles click the links below.