Marriage is amazing. It’s fun, exciting, blessed and such an adventure.
Marriage is also hard. Blending two lives together, making tough decisions and navigating through all that life throws, is incredibly challenging. In the scheme of things, Collin and I’s four and a half year marriage is very short. But let me tell you, the tough stuff doesn’t wait until year ten or twenty. In our limited time as a married couple, we have already dealt with some tough stuff.
We still have so much to learn, but these posts will chronicle some things we have gone through, some advice, lessons we’ve learned, funny stories and just plain ol’ anything-but-boring married life adventures!
These are the marriage chronicles.
Vol. 4 | Love Languages
There is a book called The 5 Love Languages written by Gary Chapman. This book is used all over in churches and couple’s small groups. We first read it in our newlywed small group about four years ago. Once you get past the sort of cheesy concept of the book it really is an incredible tool for a marriage.
The basic idea is that there are five ways that people show and receive love. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. In the book, and now on their website, you can take a test to see which is you and your spouse’s primary and secondary love language. The book then goes into great detail about what each love language means and how you can use that knowledge to better your marriage.
Once Collin and I took the test we learned that we are one of those lucky couples that have the same primary love language. We both feel the most loved when our spouse spends quality time with us! This was great insight for us and really explained a lot about how we related to one another. We truly do love to spend time with one another and when we do not get that time, we both feel a little empty inside and like something is lacking within our marriage. This helps us know how to recharge our relationship when we feel this way. Date night, a nice long conversation, play games together, snuggle on the couch and watcha movie!
So, having the same primary love language is great, but the book encourages you to also look into your secondary love language. This is where Collin and I differ. Collin’s second is Physical Touch, while mine is Acts of Service. Knowing these are actions that make us feel love from the other, helps us to relate better to one another.
Collin always needs a hug and kiss before I leave for work. He always wants a kiss before bed and he loves for us to just snuggle on the couch sometimes. While I of course love these things too, they are not top on my list of ways I feel love from Collin. Knowling that Collin feels loved when I kiss, hug or touch him, helps me know ways I can show him how much I care. I know that if I randomly walk up and give him a hug in the kitchen, he is going to feel loved!
I feel loved and cared for when Collin does the dishes for me or helps with anything around the house. When he grabs Nora ands changes her diaper, or cleans her up after dinner. I feel love when he opens my car door or helps me carry groceries in to the house. To me, those acts of service speak volumes and make me feel Collin’s love. Collin, having this knowledge, can use it to show me some extra love.
I write all this to encourage you and your spouse to take the test (online or purchase the book) and learn how you can show love to your spouse. Having that knowledge can really help you show your husband or wife how much you care for them, and in the way you know they feel it best! Marriage is tough and we see them crumble around us all the time, take the steps to gain little nuggets of wisdom like these to strengthen yours!
To read more Marriage Chronicles click the links below.