Trust. Faith. God’s Plan.
These are all things I have really been struggling with in life lately. As I am approaching my last semester in school I will be student teaching. I will be in a second grade classroom in a little elementary school in a town about 20 minutes away. I am so excited to student teach but I know that after December, I will graduate and soon be looking for a job. Because I graduate in the middle of a school year, I will substitute teach until Summer. In the Summer, I will be looking hard for a teaching position and this is where all my doubt and fear comes in. I have heard countless superintendents, principals and other school faculty talk about how hard it is to get a teaching position right now. One principal said that she received over 200 applications and out of those 200 she was only interested in 8. Out of the 8, 2 got actual interviews. Scary. Through the program at my school I have gotten my name in many different districts and elementary schools but I am terrified about the fact that I have to somehow make myself look good on a piece of paper.
I am not a bad student, I have good grades and a good GPA but I don’t have straight A’s and a 4.0. I have always struggled in Math and as a result my grades for math courses are not stellar. I worked in day cares for 4 years, but so have most other girls applying to be teachers. I think the interview process really stinks, because on paper I don’t know that I look too good. Or at least I don’t look like anything special.
It is in person and in a classroom that I feel I can shine. Without bragging (honestly, I don’t want to sound conceited I believe that God has blessed me with the gift of being a good teacher. Not only that, but I have a passion for the career and children in general. I know that teaching is where God wants me to be, I just know. I dream of my future classroom, the management strategies that I will use, the engaging lessons I will teach, the projects my students will complete. I just cannot wait to get a class full of amazing little kids to teach and inspire.
But fear and doubt has set in recently.
Will I get a job?
Am I really that good of a teacher?
Do I have what it takes to truly teach children?
Real life and a big-girl job is scary. I think for me it is more scary because I have worked so hard for this. Becoming a teacher is my most sought after goal in life. I constantly worry about if I will find a job. I mean literally. I have been up late at night trying to go to sleep with thoughts of doubt turning in my head. I have cried when I had a cold, hard professor seem not impressed with me (she really didn’t seem impressed with anyone, but it stirred up a lot of doubt in me). I have looked at my resume time and time again to see if it reads impressively.
Then, about a week ago I was laying in bed. It was midnight and I couldn’t sleep. It was one of the nights I was up worrying about the future and if I would ever find a job and a place to pursue my passion. All of a sudden, it hit me. God has his hand on me. God not only has his hand on me, guiding me, but he has a plan. And from past experience I can almost guarantee that his plan is way better than mine! This whole time I had been worrying about what I would do to make myself look better on paper, how I would find myself a way to get a job. When all along I needed to quit relying on myself and trust in God. I don’t need to depend on the job market to get a teaching position, I need to depend on God and his plan for my life.
I wholeheartedly believe that teaching is where God wants me to be and if that is true, then he will provide children for me to teach!
Since this realization I have really dug into the Bible and what it has to say about trusting God and relying on His will and plan for my life. I still struggle with the doubt and fear from time to time, but I can easily get myself back on track and turning my thoughts towards God and away from doubt.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand. John 13:7
It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11
I know that some day I will look back at this time in my life and laugh about how doubtful I was. I will probably be thinking about it just as my new group of students walks into my classroom. I cannot wait for that day, I know that it will be such a sweet, sweet surprise.